Wedding Vows

Just contemplating marriage, at this point. Frank and I will reach our 18th anniversary in a few weeks.

Lately I've talked to multiple people who tell me that their husbands have changed since they got married. "He's angry all the time," one says. "He can't ask me anything calmly, and he yells at the kids over doing their homework, or anything."

Another tells me, "I wish he trusted me more. I know he grew up with people who said things, then those things were used against them later. We only talk about superficial things. He doesn't talk to me because he thinks I'll use it against him later."

Another friend just told us that his wife has left him over the past year, and the divorce will be final next month or so. It is so sad.

So, how do people stay together? So many self-help books written on the subject of marriage. Communication seems to be key, as I think it is key in many, if not most conflicts that arise.

What did he say? What did she THINK he said, and what did he mean? What did she THINK he meant? How did he say it? What was the context and tone of voice? What was implied? Years of baggage is behind comments and feelings. Only that person knows how they feel, and sometimes they know why and sometimes they don't.

I have 43 years of life experiences behind every opinion and comment that I utter. I feel certain ways when things happen, because they might trigger a memory, good or bad, from way back. I respond in anger or frustration, not because of the person who said something, maybe, but because of that painful memory that was dredged up.

How can I not take my husband for granted? The more I talk to people, the more glad I am to be married to Frank, and not to THEIR husbands. I am so blessed.

Regaining Perspective

This week I got a cold sore. A nasty one. Tuesday it hurt tremendously, and I watched it form. I went to the doctor and she prescribed a two-dose medicine to help it heal quickly. I could see a difference in the sore, after I took them, that the sore was smaller. But my lip and the lower quarter of my face still swelled up.

Then it started going through the whole lengthy process, bruising and discoloring, leaking and foul, pussy discharge. I spent the whole day yesterday covering my mouth when I talked to people: the checker at the grocery store, the workers laying cement in our basement, our neighbors. I carried around a Kleenix to clean up the gross leaky stuff.

Today I'm not at church--too self-conscious. I don't want to tell the story to every concerned, well-meaning person who sees me. My mouth is swollen, red, sore, and disgusting. People stare, and why shouldn't they? It's ugly.

I went to the church web site, lds.org. It showed a video of a mom who was in a near-fatal plane crash, and her story of being in a coma for 3 months. She woke up, back to her little kids and husband, but now with severe burn marks on her hands and face. She goes to pick up kids from school and all the children stare. It hurts her to do all the simple kid-tasks, like zipping zippers and putting her daughter's hair up in a ponytail.

She says that now she considers her role as a wife and mother a privilege. She sees God's hand in her life every single day. Yes, she often wishes she could have her body back the way it was before. But she knows there is a greater plan.

The video is called My New Life . It helped me count a few more blessings today.

Obedience

Hello!

Our Sunday church meetings yesterday made me think about obedience. People obey for different reasons. There is obedience to the commandments, obedience to our parents, obedience to traffic laws.

People probably obey traffic laws to avoid tickets and to keep the privilege of driving. Maybe kids obey their parents to get the privileges that will be taken away if they don't obey. But we should obey the commandments and follow the prophets willingly and thankfully.

Why do I obey? Why should I obey? I think the Lord expects us to follow the commandments and the counsel of the prophets, and it is always for our good. But do we follow counsel grudgingly? Do we do the bare minimum, grumbling just a little?

So, what do the prophets tell us to do? Spencer W. Kimball talked about keeping journals. President Ezra Taft Benson said we should read and study the Book of Mormon. Our prophet today, President Thomas S. Monson, testifies of Jesus Christ and His Resurrection. That we are promised peace and comfort by our Savior in our times of greatest need.

Other, most recent General Conference Talks can be read for more inspirational messages from our prophets and church leaders. I think they are best read one at a time, then you can give yourself time to ponder what you just read.

The talks are relatively short and always uplifting!

Being Thankful

Hello!

I feel a Gratitude Post coming on.

It is sunny today, and it's the last day of April. I think I can be pretty sure in announcing, even here, that winter if officially over!

I love the sunshine.
I love to be warm.
MY FAMILY.
I am thankful for kids who remind me that you can be excited over small things.
I am grateful for my amazing husband, who keeps up at work so we can have a house and car and food and vacations and toys.
I am thankful for time away, WITH my whole family.
I am grateful that my kids have a sense of humor.
I'm thankful for good neighbors.
Close gas stations.
Hair color.
Pizza.

Temples.
Scriptures.
Phone conversations with Grandma.
Email.

A comfortable bed.
Heat in the winter.
The end of winter.
Flowers.
Fresh fruit.

Mother's Day coming up.
Family reunions.
Laptop computers.
Snail Mail.
Online shopping.
Cameras & photography
90-day return policies.

Have a thankful day! Kari

Temples

Tomorrow night I will meet with the "Achievement Days" girls--they are ages 8-11, and my own daughter Kara is included in the group. She's ten.

We'll be talking about temples this time. Usually we do activities that center around some gospel principle, living our lives more like Jesus Christ, developing talents, or learning new skills. We usually have some activity or craft at the end. The girls love to create things and give gifts to their parents or other family members!

Temples. I love the temple. I love being able to go and shut out the noise of the world for just a short time, to experience and enjoy the peace there. It is the house of the Lord.

In the temple I can remember better why I am here in mortality. I am here to learn, and to try to ease the burdens, just a little, of others around me. I have family members and friends close by. Even those I come in contact with that I do not know, carry unseen burdens. Everyone has a story.

Heavenly Father can give us strength to carry our own burdens, and we can find joy through losing ourselves in the service of others.

That was a tangent. I get to talk to the girls tomorrow about temples. We make covenants with our Heavenly Father in the temple, promising that we will try to live like him. We commit our time and our talents to further the work of the Lord here on earth.

Temples are about families. Families can be sealed together, not just for the time during this life, but for eternity. We believe that families are eternal.

My dad is no longer with us. He died of cancer 2 years ago. But with the knowledge that death is not "the end," I have the hope and assurance that I will see him again after I die. That has been very comforting to me during down times, when I miss him so much and wish he were still here.

The Atonement of Jesus Christ

Hello! Time flies when you have a lot to do...or maybe it goes slower?

I gave that talk on Sunday--our Easter program was 1 week later than Easter because of our fabulous General Conference the weekend before.

I'm sure it was more for me than for anyone else in the congregation. For the entire week before, I researched the life, sacrifices, crucifixion and resurrection of our Savior Jesus Christ. What a nice relief from thinking about water problems all the time!

It made me think about my own testimony of our Savior. It solidified in my mind and heart the fact that the Lord knows me personally and knows my trials and struggles. The Atonement is not just for when I make a mistake or break a commandment. Christ bore our pains and our sicknesses. He knows our grief. He will carry our burdens if we let him.

I may just put the talk into this blog. It was good for me to give.

Preparing for Easter

It has been a little while since I have been contemplative--! We have just finished a month of dealing with torrential rains that brought flood waters to our basement. Talk about feeling frustrated, hopeless and helpless.

I have been asked to speak this Sunday for our Easter program in Sacrament Meeting. I was actually grateful for the chance to focus on something besides water in my house! Of course it is all too much to fit into one talk. I narrowed it down to a couple of the miracles he did in the New Testament, the Garden of Gethsemane, and the Resurrection. Which is still WAY too much. But I can't leave out any of it, so it will have to do.

I love Easter. I love researching in the New Testament about Jesus' life and his miracles and works. He so understood people.

I have read more about the Atonement, and I hope that with study, I can eventually come to understand it better. Such an amazing and overwhelming sacrifice, so we can return to our Father in Heaven someday.