Wedding Vows

Just contemplating marriage, at this point. Frank and I will reach our 18th anniversary in a few weeks.

Lately I've talked to multiple people who tell me that their husbands have changed since they got married. "He's angry all the time," one says. "He can't ask me anything calmly, and he yells at the kids over doing their homework, or anything."

Another tells me, "I wish he trusted me more. I know he grew up with people who said things, then those things were used against them later. We only talk about superficial things. He doesn't talk to me because he thinks I'll use it against him later."

Another friend just told us that his wife has left him over the past year, and the divorce will be final next month or so. It is so sad.

So, how do people stay together? So many self-help books written on the subject of marriage. Communication seems to be key, as I think it is key in many, if not most conflicts that arise.

What did he say? What did she THINK he said, and what did he mean? What did she THINK he meant? How did he say it? What was the context and tone of voice? What was implied? Years of baggage is behind comments and feelings. Only that person knows how they feel, and sometimes they know why and sometimes they don't.

I have 43 years of life experiences behind every opinion and comment that I utter. I feel certain ways when things happen, because they might trigger a memory, good or bad, from way back. I respond in anger or frustration, not because of the person who said something, maybe, but because of that painful memory that was dredged up.

How can I not take my husband for granted? The more I talk to people, the more glad I am to be married to Frank, and not to THEIR husbands. I am so blessed.