Wedding Vows

Just contemplating marriage, at this point. Frank and I will reach our 18th anniversary in a few weeks.

Lately I've talked to multiple people who tell me that their husbands have changed since they got married. "He's angry all the time," one says. "He can't ask me anything calmly, and he yells at the kids over doing their homework, or anything."

Another tells me, "I wish he trusted me more. I know he grew up with people who said things, then those things were used against them later. We only talk about superficial things. He doesn't talk to me because he thinks I'll use it against him later."

Another friend just told us that his wife has left him over the past year, and the divorce will be final next month or so. It is so sad.

So, how do people stay together? So many self-help books written on the subject of marriage. Communication seems to be key, as I think it is key in many, if not most conflicts that arise.

What did he say? What did she THINK he said, and what did he mean? What did she THINK he meant? How did he say it? What was the context and tone of voice? What was implied? Years of baggage is behind comments and feelings. Only that person knows how they feel, and sometimes they know why and sometimes they don't.

I have 43 years of life experiences behind every opinion and comment that I utter. I feel certain ways when things happen, because they might trigger a memory, good or bad, from way back. I respond in anger or frustration, not because of the person who said something, maybe, but because of that painful memory that was dredged up.

How can I not take my husband for granted? The more I talk to people, the more glad I am to be married to Frank, and not to THEIR husbands. I am so blessed.

Regaining Perspective

This week I got a cold sore. A nasty one. Tuesday it hurt tremendously, and I watched it form. I went to the doctor and she prescribed a two-dose medicine to help it heal quickly. I could see a difference in the sore, after I took them, that the sore was smaller. But my lip and the lower quarter of my face still swelled up.

Then it started going through the whole lengthy process, bruising and discoloring, leaking and foul, pussy discharge. I spent the whole day yesterday covering my mouth when I talked to people: the checker at the grocery store, the workers laying cement in our basement, our neighbors. I carried around a Kleenix to clean up the gross leaky stuff.

Today I'm not at church--too self-conscious. I don't want to tell the story to every concerned, well-meaning person who sees me. My mouth is swollen, red, sore, and disgusting. People stare, and why shouldn't they? It's ugly.

I went to the church web site, lds.org. It showed a video of a mom who was in a near-fatal plane crash, and her story of being in a coma for 3 months. She woke up, back to her little kids and husband, but now with severe burn marks on her hands and face. She goes to pick up kids from school and all the children stare. It hurts her to do all the simple kid-tasks, like zipping zippers and putting her daughter's hair up in a ponytail.

She says that now she considers her role as a wife and mother a privilege. She sees God's hand in her life every single day. Yes, she often wishes she could have her body back the way it was before. But she knows there is a greater plan.

The video is called My New Life . It helped me count a few more blessings today.

Obedience

Hello!

Our Sunday church meetings yesterday made me think about obedience. People obey for different reasons. There is obedience to the commandments, obedience to our parents, obedience to traffic laws.

People probably obey traffic laws to avoid tickets and to keep the privilege of driving. Maybe kids obey their parents to get the privileges that will be taken away if they don't obey. But we should obey the commandments and follow the prophets willingly and thankfully.

Why do I obey? Why should I obey? I think the Lord expects us to follow the commandments and the counsel of the prophets, and it is always for our good. But do we follow counsel grudgingly? Do we do the bare minimum, grumbling just a little?

So, what do the prophets tell us to do? Spencer W. Kimball talked about keeping journals. President Ezra Taft Benson said we should read and study the Book of Mormon. Our prophet today, President Thomas S. Monson, testifies of Jesus Christ and His Resurrection. That we are promised peace and comfort by our Savior in our times of greatest need.

Other, most recent General Conference Talks can be read for more inspirational messages from our prophets and church leaders. I think they are best read one at a time, then you can give yourself time to ponder what you just read.

The talks are relatively short and always uplifting!