Thinking again, about testimony. What do I know? What do I believe? What do I doubt?
People are at different stages in their acceptance of the gospel. Some people accept things more easily. Some people consider those who accept easily to not question enough. "Blind obedience" is a phrase that makes the doubters cringe. Why would anyone accept without thinking it through? Asking? Challenging?
There is a balance to be found. While we are not expected to accept things blindly: we need to use our intellect, study things out in our minds, and use the resources available to us...
we also need to have FAITH that the Lord has a plan that we do not understand fully. We don't need to have ALL the answers. We will never have them ALL. But do we trust that our Heavenly Father loves us, knows all, and provides what is best for us even though we only see a small piece of the big picture?
What do I know? What do I believe? What do I doubt?
Am I working towards a growing testimony every day? Am I studying the scriptures, attending church and partaking of the Sacrament, thus renewing my covenants that I made at baptism?
I know my Heavenly Father loves me. I know he knows me very specifically, and has a plan for each of us. (That one is easy.) I believe in the power of prayer. I believe in the blessings that can come from paying a full tithe. I know that Jesus Christ atoned for our sins, and if we repent and commit our lives to following the example of Christ, we can return to our Heavenly Father when it is time.
I don't know about polygamy. I found out last year that one of my ancestors was one of Brigham Young's wives (50-something of them), and she hated it and she left the church and went around giving lectures against the church. There is a book "the 23rd wife" or something, that tells her story. I think we do not know the whole story. Mostly we can speculate. People are people, imperfect in understanding and actions. Even a perfect system cannot be implemented perfectly by imperfect people. (Not that polygamy was some kind of perfect system. I think--again, speculation--that it started out as a way to protect the widows...that they would have someone to look after them after their husbands died. I don't know how it turned into people having 30 or 40 or 50 wives. That seems extreme.) I think we do not know the whole story.
I struggle with how blacks did not receive the priesthood until the late 1970's. I know that we do not know the whole story.
I have never struggled with "woman's role" in the church. I believe we are equal in responsibility with men. We don't hold the Priesthood because our responsibilities are different. We are different from men: that has always been part of the Lord's plan. I've never felt that our role was "secondary." It is different in that we have different talents and skills to offer other people, and to children. We are wired differently, and those differences can often compliment what men have to offer people and children.
"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately."
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Love One Another
I'm reading the book Jesus the Christ, by Talmage. It was a "goal" last year, for 2009, but I only got through about 1/2 of it, so I extended it to finish at the end of this year, 2010.
Throughout Jesus' ministry, he taught Love. Love one another. If you love me, keep my commandments. The greatest commandment is to love God, and the next is to love thy neighbor as thyself. If I REALLY loved everybody else as much as I love myself, I would consider my neighbor's needs just as important as my own.
I would like to learn to see people as Jesus saw them. The Lord saw people as equal, all the same...he knew their hearts and judged them by what was in their hearts.
I don't have the privilege or responsibility to judge people...I can't know their hearts. So it is MY responsibility to love everyone. Assume the best in people. Treat them all with respect and love.
The lady I pass when I'm shopping. The impatient man who honks, in the car behind me. The checker in the grocery store. They are my brothers and sisters.
One of my favorite quotes, I don't know who said it: "People do the best they can, with what they have, at that moment." We are all trying.
How many times have I tried and come up short? How many times have I been rude or impatient? I can always rationalize for myself. There is always a good REASON for the way I act.
But what about my list of people I can't forgive? I can think of 3. Why can't I forgive them, and move on? Let it go. Because it was obvious they were wrong. Well, are they suffering because of my grudge and festering feelings? No. I am holding myself back by letting myself continue to wallow in the event of the past.
Throughout Jesus' ministry, he taught Love. Love one another. If you love me, keep my commandments. The greatest commandment is to love God, and the next is to love thy neighbor as thyself. If I REALLY loved everybody else as much as I love myself, I would consider my neighbor's needs just as important as my own.
I would like to learn to see people as Jesus saw them. The Lord saw people as equal, all the same...he knew their hearts and judged them by what was in their hearts.
I don't have the privilege or responsibility to judge people...I can't know their hearts. So it is MY responsibility to love everyone. Assume the best in people. Treat them all with respect and love.
The lady I pass when I'm shopping. The impatient man who honks, in the car behind me. The checker in the grocery store. They are my brothers and sisters.
One of my favorite quotes, I don't know who said it: "People do the best they can, with what they have, at that moment." We are all trying.
How many times have I tried and come up short? How many times have I been rude or impatient? I can always rationalize for myself. There is always a good REASON for the way I act.
But what about my list of people I can't forgive? I can think of 3. Why can't I forgive them, and move on? Let it go. Because it was obvious they were wrong. Well, are they suffering because of my grudge and festering feelings? No. I am holding myself back by letting myself continue to wallow in the event of the past.
Saturday, February 20, 2010
Asking Forgiveness
I was in a hectic moment in the kitchen when the phone rang the other day. I picked it up, and the lady said I hadn't signed where I needed to sign when David got his immunization, so I would need to come in and do that. No big deal, right?
Well, it WAS a big deal. Right at that moment, thinking about all I had to do anyway, kids asking questions and I'm distracted by twelve things at once. An unexpected additional trip to go sign something I already signed...put me over the edge. I was really rude to this poor lady on the phone. "Can't I give permission over the phone? I don't know what day I can come in." I hung up the phone and thought to myself, "I just sounded like a NUT. She said I could come in at my convenience, it's not that far away, and...why was I so short with her?"
Plus (and this one made me cringe)...I'd have to FACE her when I went in to sign the paper.
I went in the next day. "Hi, I'm here to sign my paper." (swallow all pride) "And I'm sorry for being so rude on the phone yesterday. I sounded like a nut. It was just bad timing, and I shouldn't even have picked up the phone."
The other lady in the office said, "It's okay. We all do it...especially when you have kids."
I can't tell you what a relief it was, that they were so pleasant about it.
Do I forgive like that, or do I hold grudges?
Unfortunately I'm afraid it's often the latter.
Well, it WAS a big deal. Right at that moment, thinking about all I had to do anyway, kids asking questions and I'm distracted by twelve things at once. An unexpected additional trip to go sign something I already signed...put me over the edge. I was really rude to this poor lady on the phone. "Can't I give permission over the phone? I don't know what day I can come in." I hung up the phone and thought to myself, "I just sounded like a NUT. She said I could come in at my convenience, it's not that far away, and...why was I so short with her?"
Plus (and this one made me cringe)...I'd have to FACE her when I went in to sign the paper.
I went in the next day. "Hi, I'm here to sign my paper." (swallow all pride) "And I'm sorry for being so rude on the phone yesterday. I sounded like a nut. It was just bad timing, and I shouldn't even have picked up the phone."
The other lady in the office said, "It's okay. We all do it...especially when you have kids."
I can't tell you what a relief it was, that they were so pleasant about it.
Do I forgive like that, or do I hold grudges?
Unfortunately I'm afraid it's often the latter.
Sunday, February 14, 2010
What is a Testimony?
We had a talk in church today on "testimony." He quoted a General Conference talk that told us we needed to get back to "true testimony" in our meetings. Testimonies aren't stories, they aren't travelogues, or lectures.
Another talk more recently told us that testimony time is also not the time to tell your loved ones "I know I don't tell them this very often, but I want them to know I love them." The point was, you SHOULD tell them, often, and not just in a public forum.
But our speaker John E., said that while the talks seemed to limit what you say, he decided that his testimony is his own. It is what is in his heart, not anyone else's.
I haven't been up in Sacrament Meeting to bear my testimony in years. As Relief Society President, I felt like I was bearing my testimony pretty frequently. At the end of lessons. When I spoke in church. I thought everybody heard WAY too much from me as it was, so I sure wasn't going to add to my pulpit time by just getting up on a Fast Sunday.
What do I believe? What is my testimony?
There was an article in the October 2008 Friend magazine that told about the "testimony glove." Your testimony should be (count on your fingers):
1. I know that God is our Heavenly Father and He loves us.
2. I know that His Son, Jesus Christ, is our Savior and Redeemer.
3. I know that Joseph Smith is a prophet of God. He restored the gospel of Jesus Christ to the earth and translated the Book of Mormon by the power of God.
4. I know that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the Lord’s Church on the earth today.
5. I know that this Church is led by a living prophet who receives revelation.
Of course you know these things because of different circumstances or experiences you have had. It is your testimony, and no one can change it or add to it, or strengthen it or neglect it except you.
I want our kids to know how much I love my Heavenly Father and I know that He loves us immeasurably. That He is forgiving and kind, and knows each of us so well. That He knows how we think, and not only THAT we struggle with different things, but WHY we struggle. He knows our hearts, and that we were hurt by someone way back when, and that memory is dug up every time a different person acts or says something similar. That we don't really mean to hurt somebody else, but at that particular moment, it's all that would come out, and we are really, really sorry.
It doesn't erase the fact that we just hurt someone else, and we have to fix it. But he knows it's not easy and he'll give His love and support every step of the way back as we repent and try to do better.
Maybe as I search for love or understanding or happiness from various sources in my life, I should remember that the true source of love is my Heavenly Father. That no matter what happens, He is there to listen and lend support. Max Lucado said, "We cannot go anywhere where God is not." He is always just a prayer away.
Another talk more recently told us that testimony time is also not the time to tell your loved ones "I know I don't tell them this very often, but I want them to know I love them." The point was, you SHOULD tell them, often, and not just in a public forum.
But our speaker John E., said that while the talks seemed to limit what you say, he decided that his testimony is his own. It is what is in his heart, not anyone else's.
I haven't been up in Sacrament Meeting to bear my testimony in years. As Relief Society President, I felt like I was bearing my testimony pretty frequently. At the end of lessons. When I spoke in church. I thought everybody heard WAY too much from me as it was, so I sure wasn't going to add to my pulpit time by just getting up on a Fast Sunday.
What do I believe? What is my testimony?
There was an article in the October 2008 Friend magazine that told about the "testimony glove." Your testimony should be (count on your fingers):
1. I know that God is our Heavenly Father and He loves us.
2. I know that His Son, Jesus Christ, is our Savior and Redeemer.
3. I know that Joseph Smith is a prophet of God. He restored the gospel of Jesus Christ to the earth and translated the Book of Mormon by the power of God.
4. I know that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the Lord’s Church on the earth today.
5. I know that this Church is led by a living prophet who receives revelation.
Of course you know these things because of different circumstances or experiences you have had. It is your testimony, and no one can change it or add to it, or strengthen it or neglect it except you.
I want our kids to know how much I love my Heavenly Father and I know that He loves us immeasurably. That He is forgiving and kind, and knows each of us so well. That He knows how we think, and not only THAT we struggle with different things, but WHY we struggle. He knows our hearts, and that we were hurt by someone way back when, and that memory is dug up every time a different person acts or says something similar. That we don't really mean to hurt somebody else, but at that particular moment, it's all that would come out, and we are really, really sorry.
It doesn't erase the fact that we just hurt someone else, and we have to fix it. But he knows it's not easy and he'll give His love and support every step of the way back as we repent and try to do better.
Maybe as I search for love or understanding or happiness from various sources in my life, I should remember that the true source of love is my Heavenly Father. That no matter what happens, He is there to listen and lend support. Max Lucado said, "We cannot go anywhere where God is not." He is always just a prayer away.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
The Power of Prayer
What do you believe?
I believe my Heavenly Father knows and loves me very much, just like he knows and loves each person on the planet very much. I believe He has a plan for each of us, I just can't see the "Big Picture" like He does.
I believe in the power of prayer. I think there is a lot of power available to us, that we don't "tap into," simply because we don't take the time to ponder and ask when we pray. Myself included, of course.
I had a good testimony-building experience on prayer, when Frank and I climbed Long's Peak, 2nd attempt and this one was successful. Let's see if I can find it.
Well, I have just spent 20 minutes looking for it, and alas, I think it has gone the way of so many things when you move...into the dreaded "Black Hole."
I summarized our climb to Long's Peak, and I thought it was actually a good paper. But anyway. I pulled a leg muscle about a month before climbing...this was after training for a YEAR. We tried to climb the summer before, but it ended up being too cold. We planned for warmer temps and I was shivering in shorts, for Pete's sake. So, we continued training for a year, then I go and pull this leg muscle.
I spent the next month praying for my leg to be okay to climb, knowing that if it hurt in the beginning of the climb, it would only get worse. I was careful, but still planned on going.
I could still feel the pull the night before we were to hike. But it didn't hurt, I could just feel it.
Heavenly Father heard me, though. I was careful, and I took it slow, and the whole day it didn't hurt. We made the climb and descent.
I believe my Heavenly Father knows and loves me very much, just like he knows and loves each person on the planet very much. I believe He has a plan for each of us, I just can't see the "Big Picture" like He does.
I believe in the power of prayer. I think there is a lot of power available to us, that we don't "tap into," simply because we don't take the time to ponder and ask when we pray. Myself included, of course.
I had a good testimony-building experience on prayer, when Frank and I climbed Long's Peak, 2nd attempt and this one was successful. Let's see if I can find it.
Well, I have just spent 20 minutes looking for it, and alas, I think it has gone the way of so many things when you move...into the dreaded "Black Hole."
I summarized our climb to Long's Peak, and I thought it was actually a good paper. But anyway. I pulled a leg muscle about a month before climbing...this was after training for a YEAR. We tried to climb the summer before, but it ended up being too cold. We planned for warmer temps and I was shivering in shorts, for Pete's sake. So, we continued training for a year, then I go and pull this leg muscle.
I spent the next month praying for my leg to be okay to climb, knowing that if it hurt in the beginning of the climb, it would only get worse. I was careful, but still planned on going.
I could still feel the pull the night before we were to hike. But it didn't hurt, I could just feel it.
Heavenly Father heard me, though. I was careful, and I took it slow, and the whole day it didn't hurt. We made the climb and descent.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Martin Luther King, Jr. and David
"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life...and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived."
Living Deliberately...that is where I want to be. I don't want to be dragged behind the calendar, constantly trying to catch up to the events around me. So busy with the unimportant or mundane things that the important and impressive things pass me by.
I have never kept a spiritual journal. I've been thinking about that lately. It is very easy for me to document events. Dates and times, what I see, what happened on our family calendar. But I always somehow separate that from what I am feeling. From my beliefs, my inner thoughts. From acknowledging my Savior in every miracle around me, for they certainly are unending and brilliant. I think that I do hold those thoughts and feelings close to me and don't share, partly because they are so important to me that if someone told me they were wrong or not that special after all, I would be crushed.
What spiritual things have happened to me lately? Sometimes they don't seem spiritual at all, but they are indeed the Holy Ghost touching my soul, reminding me that the Lord is close and knows me and understands me well.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR. Today at school (I tutor at an elementary school) I picked up a book written by the sister of Martin Luther King, Jr. She talked about growing up with her little brother, and how their parents protected them from the inequality of the world they lived in. They learned from their dad to stand up for what is right and fair. The story pricked my heart, as it were, and I got teary-eyed. About the dream of equality and the impact her brother had on the world.
DAVID. David is 14 years old and he has scoliosis. He's been wearing a brace for almost a year now, and it hasn't helped. He's having surgery next month. Maybe we moved to this very old house, in this very cold place, where Frank is not all that excited about his job...so we could be close to hospitals (Children's Hospital Boston) and universities (Harvard) with so many smart doctors, so David could get a needed surgery in good hands.
I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately.
Living Deliberately...that is where I want to be. I don't want to be dragged behind the calendar, constantly trying to catch up to the events around me. So busy with the unimportant or mundane things that the important and impressive things pass me by.
I have never kept a spiritual journal. I've been thinking about that lately. It is very easy for me to document events. Dates and times, what I see, what happened on our family calendar. But I always somehow separate that from what I am feeling. From my beliefs, my inner thoughts. From acknowledging my Savior in every miracle around me, for they certainly are unending and brilliant. I think that I do hold those thoughts and feelings close to me and don't share, partly because they are so important to me that if someone told me they were wrong or not that special after all, I would be crushed.
What spiritual things have happened to me lately? Sometimes they don't seem spiritual at all, but they are indeed the Holy Ghost touching my soul, reminding me that the Lord is close and knows me and understands me well.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR. Today at school (I tutor at an elementary school) I picked up a book written by the sister of Martin Luther King, Jr. She talked about growing up with her little brother, and how their parents protected them from the inequality of the world they lived in. They learned from their dad to stand up for what is right and fair. The story pricked my heart, as it were, and I got teary-eyed. About the dream of equality and the impact her brother had on the world.
DAVID. David is 14 years old and he has scoliosis. He's been wearing a brace for almost a year now, and it hasn't helped. He's having surgery next month. Maybe we moved to this very old house, in this very cold place, where Frank is not all that excited about his job...so we could be close to hospitals (Children's Hospital Boston) and universities (Harvard) with so many smart doctors, so David could get a needed surgery in good hands.
I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately.
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