Know, Believe, Doubt--FAITH

Thinking again, about testimony. What do I know? What do I believe? What do I doubt?

People are at different stages in their acceptance of the gospel. Some people accept things more easily. Some people consider those who accept easily to not question enough. "Blind obedience" is a phrase that makes the doubters cringe. Why would anyone accept without thinking it through? Asking? Challenging?

There is a balance to be found. While we are not expected to accept things blindly: we need to use our intellect, study things out in our minds, and use the resources available to us...

we also need to have FAITH that the Lord has a plan that we do not understand fully. We don't need to have ALL the answers. We will never have them ALL. But do we trust that our Heavenly Father loves us, knows all, and provides what is best for us even though we only see a small piece of the big picture?

What do I know? What do I believe? What do I doubt?

Am I working towards a growing testimony every day? Am I studying the scriptures, attending church and partaking of the Sacrament, thus renewing my covenants that I made at baptism?

I know my Heavenly Father loves me. I know he knows me very specifically, and has a plan for each of us. (That one is easy.) I believe in the power of prayer. I believe in the blessings that can come from paying a full tithe. I know that Jesus Christ atoned for our sins, and if we repent and commit our lives to following the example of Christ, we can return to our Heavenly Father when it is time.

I don't know about polygamy. I found out last year that one of my ancestors was one of Brigham Young's wives (50-something of them), and she hated it and she left the church and went around giving lectures against the church. There is a book "the 23rd wife" or something, that tells her story. I think we do not know the whole story. Mostly we can speculate. People are people, imperfect in understanding and actions. Even a perfect system cannot be implemented perfectly by imperfect people. (Not that polygamy was some kind of perfect system. I think--again, speculation--that it started out as a way to protect the widows...that they would have someone to look after them after their husbands died. I don't know how it turned into people having 30 or 40 or 50 wives. That seems extreme.) I think we do not know the whole story.

I struggle with how blacks did not receive the priesthood until the late 1970's. I know that we do not know the whole story.

I have never struggled with "woman's role" in the church. I believe we are equal in responsibility with men. We don't hold the Priesthood because our responsibilities are different. We are different from men: that has always been part of the Lord's plan. I've never felt that our role was "secondary." It is different in that we have different talents and skills to offer other people, and to children. We are wired differently, and those differences can often compliment what men have to offer people and children.

"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately."