Seminary Practices 1-3: Prayer, Testimony, Journal

I just went to a seminary training meeting tonight.  It was so good, so full of great insights, that I need a little time to process it I think.  Our teacher talked about the temple quite a bit, and about the goals we have for our students this year.

3 practices he gave us, to get the students to incorporate into their lives:

Practice #1: Ask God for the Answers.  We each have the right and privilege to receive direct communication from the Lord.  He will teach us, if we can learn to receive it from Him.

Practice #2: Get Everybody to Say Something.  Having the kids bear their testimonies will actually help them discover parts of their testimonies that they didn't know they had.

Brigham Young said: "Many may think they haven't any testimony to bear, but get them to stand up and they will find the Lord will give them utterance to many truths they had not thought of before.  More people have obtained a testimony while standing up trying to bear it than down on their knees praying for it."

Practice #3: Record Your Questions, Answers, and Impressions.  This one emphasizes journals, and how if you get a prompting, you may lose it if you don't write it down.  The more you write your  promptings, the more God is willing to give you more, further light.

I'm still trying to figure out the best way to keep a journal.  Typing seems to be easier and more effective for me.  But will I remember what I've written?  It will be in chronological order, but maybe the Post Title should have more to do with what's in the journal entry.

Patience

I decided that a characteristic of Christ that I need to work on is Patience.  Thomas S. Monson gave a great talk in General Conference back in 1995 (hey that’s the year you were born J ) about patience through tribulation, or hard things in your life. It is called “Patience – A Heavenly Virtue.”

In his talk, Monson says:

"Life is full of difficulties, some minor and others of a more serious nature.  There seems to be an unending supply of challenges for one and all.  our problem is that we often expect instantaneous solutions to such challenges, forgetting that frequently the heavenly virtue of patience is required."

I think I need patience with an old house that has a never-ending "maintenance" list, other drivers on the road, and with being so distracted with little things, that I can't complete NEARLY all the things I want to!

Other hard things: learning a new language, learning to live 24/7 with someone else, learning to keep on going even when you might be very tired.

But I can do it!  We all can!  With patience, the blessings will come,  I believe we'll even be blessed in OTHER areas, in addition to the ones we are working on.

Proof of Heaven (Universe Insights)

I just finished reading a wonderful book called Proof of Heaven. It is the story of a neurosurgeon who went into a coma for 7 days.  He had a near-death experience, journeying beyond this world and traveling into the deepest realms of super-physical existence. Before he had this extraordinary experience, he was one of the highly-trained scientists who argued that these kinds of experiences are impossible.  Now he knows they are not only NOT impossible, but that God and the soul are truly real.

There were paragraphs of his story that touched me. They made so much sense, and went along so perfectly with what I believe already.  The fact that it came from a brilliant scientist who months earlier was a complete non-believer... well, that only cemented for me my faith in these principles.  I wanted to share those pieces here in my "To Live Deliberately" blog.

UNIVERSE INSIGHTS. p. 48.  "...there is not one universe but many -- in fact, more than I could conceive -- but that love lay at the center of them all.  Evil was present in all the other universes as well, but only in the tiniest trace amounts.  Evil was necessary because without it free will was impossible, and without free will there could be no growth -- no forward movement, no chance for us to become what God longed for us to be.  Horrible and all-powerful as evil sometimes seemed to be in a world like ours, in the larger picture love was overwhelmingly dominant, and it would ultimately be triumphant."

First, I have always believed that "we are not alone" in space.  I believe there are countless planets with life on them...maybe not identical to us, but similar.  And maybe some are, indeed, just like us.

I also believe God gave us free will and the power to make choices for ourselves, to learn and grow and become better people.  God sees our potential, and what we can be.  He knows us so well, so intimately, because he is actually a part of all of us.  We are literally His spirit children.

The last part of that quote, that love is "dominant, and ...would ultimately be triumphant" is a great comfort to me.  Sometimes in this world it is easy to focus on negative or evil things.  The media shoves bad news in our faces constantly, and we might even think there is more evil than good in this world.  There is NOT!!!  There is so much good, being done all over the world.  The media thinks sensationalism is what people want to hear and see. Only negative drama.  But there is so much good being done every single day by good, solid people.  It far outweighs the bad, in the grand scheme. And we already know who will 'win' between good and evil.  Love will ultimately triumph.

What Would Jesus Do?

Another Sunday has come, and I had the opportunity, once again, to partake of the Sacrament and "renew my covenants."  These would be the covenants I made when I entered the waters of baptism.  What, exactly, did I covenant to do when I was baptized?s

I said that I would mourn with those that mourn.  I would comfort those that stand in need of comfort.  That I would take upon myself the name of Jesus Christ.  That means I am willing to act as Jesus would act.  That since he is not physically here, right now, that I will act as he would act, in any given situation.

Well, how do I know how he would act? One lesson at church today focused on our Savior, Jesus Christ.  There is a saying that has come to be a little cliche, since you can find it on bumper stickers and t-shirts.  "WWJD?" is short for "What Would Jesus Do?"

If we take away the "cliche-ness" of the phrase, we can honestly ask ourselves if we actually know.  What WOULD Jesus do?  To find this out, I must consider the stories of his life and ministry, recorded in the Holy Scriptures.  Mostly in the New Testament.

Jesus acted in love. Always in love. He used caring, understanding words and actions, and showed people respect no matter who they were or what they had done.  He did not condone sins, but he loved the individuals and showed them there was always hope.  Hope for repentance, hope for forgiveness, hope for a brighter tomorrow.  When others were downtrodden and felt like their world was crumbling, Jesus offered a listening ear, and sorrowed with people. He gave all glory to our Heavenly Father and worked to bring people closer to him.

So when I take my own day, in January of 2014, and go about the daily tasks that need to happen, I should ask myself, "What Would Jesus Do?"  When Jesus was late for an appointment, and someone like my daughter asked him a question, he most likely would not snap at her and say "I don't have time for this."  He probably would look at her directly, and listen.  I suppose if he really needed to go, He would excuse himself with a loving promise to get back to her with an answer at a specific time in the near future.

Jesus did not drive in the first century A.D.  But if He were driving a car in January of 2014, and another driver pulled in front of him and made him slam on the brakes to avoid an accident, I think He would not lay on the horn for a full 15 seconds.  Maybe he would tap the horn, and pray that the other driver would stay alert and be aware of other cars he might encounter.

If I am consciously looking to act as I believe Jesus might act in this January of 2014, maybe I can also be aware of promptings that come to me from the Holy Ghost. I think that Jesus would act quickly when prompted to do something for somebody else.

What would Jesus do?  In a broad sense, I think I know.  But the more I study his life and ministry, the more I can steer my own actions to be like His.

New Year, Finding Direction

I have not posted on this blog for quite some time.  I was trying to figure out the purpose, or put some meaning behind it.  The very title of the blog, "To Live Deliberately," implies thought and careful consideration.  Not haphazard flailing. Not frivolity.  Thought. Deliberation. Meaning. Purpose.

I would like to join another blogger on her journey this year.  I follow the blog Daily Closer to Christ, and Emily is exploring this year how to listen to and follow the promptings of the Holy Ghost.  How to hear those things the Lord would have you hear. How to act when you feel inspired to do something. How to be of service to someone else when maybe you alone can help them in a specific way.

So this week's lesson talks about getting out of your comfort zone. If we are never uncomfortable, then we have no need of the Comforter.  So doing something for someone else, that is perhaps outside of your comfort zone, can be a good thing.

I have been tutoring for 5 years at the same schools. I like the children, and many of the teachers. But I have been wondering if I should try to change jobs, just to shake things up some.  I'll admit sometimes I let myself get a little bored. What I keep coming back to is, I have the perfect job. Part-time, close to home, it's just right for my current life stage. So maybe the "shaking things up" part can be me, opening up and looking around at the good people around me. How can my interaction with them make their lives better? How can I be a good influence and share a little more of myself with them? Then I can be more available to reach out when there is a need.

This week's lesson/reminder in Daily Closer to Christ is about listening to the Holy Spirit when he speaks to you. "Never Postpone a Prompting." You can be of service to someone. Now.

Since my neighbor's Christmas party (a month ago), I have been thinking of a story I wanted to send along to a few of the friends there. Nothing even spiritual or earth-shattering. Just light. But I've put it off. Today, I sent the story. I got a response from one neighbor who said "this reminded me that your daughter came up in a conversation with so-and-so..." and she asked if my daughter would be interested in babysitting for this other lady.

This was not life-changing or profound. But it does remind me that sometimes we may be inspired to do something and that something will make a connection for someone in a way we would never have thought of. It may seem completely unrelated. But the connection can be made.

The Lord knows the Big Picture. We can never see it: we have blinders on, just naturally. So we must rely on Him to lead us to the people we need to influence or interact with. Or maybe he leads other people to us.

From Glasses to Contacts

My name is Kari, and I have an astigmatism.  This is not my fault, actually.  I was born with the eyes I have.  The following is my journey from glasses to contacts.

ASTIGMATISM.  According to the online medical definition of this word, provided by "The Free Dictionary" by Farlex,  "Astigmatism is the result of an inability of the cornea to focus an image onto the retina.  The result is a blurred image."

VISION BACK IN THE DAY.  I grew up with this.  My vision was not "bad enough" for my teenage self to complain to my mom to take me to the eye doctor.  I actually remember disliking my mother's glasses, and I did not want to be told that I needed glasses.  So I did not complain about it.  I could see fine.

I could also see "fine enough" to pass the driver's license vision test.  The state determined, when I was sixteen, that I could see well enough to join the other thousands of drivers in the metro Denver area.

But as medical conditions sometimes worsen over time, my vision did get gradually worse.

GLASSES.  I went to the eye doctor in my 30's, and he gave me a prescription for eyeglasses.  Astigmatism is most noticable in poor lighting, and at the computer.  He asked, "When you look at the moon at night, do you see two?  And I had to admit that I did...not two separate, far-apart moons.  Just the outline of the "double."

So I got the glasses to drive at night, and watch movies.  They also helped when I was working at the computer: images and letters were crisper, clearer.

Then I started noticing things to be a bit blurry inside, when lighting was not great.  Wearing my glasses made things crisper and clearer ALL the time, not only at night.  So I wore my glasses more.  Not all the time, just more.

THE SUGGESTION.  Then my husband, who has terrible vision and has worn contacts since he was a teen, suggested that I get fitted for contacts.  The thought of putting my finger in my eye not only once a day, but multiple times a day, made my stomach turn.  It's not natural.  You're kidding, right?

"I'm not kidding," he assured me.  "You wouldn't have to think about where you put your glasses, or which case or car they were in.  Which jacket did you wear the last time you had them with you?  You don't want to wear them ALL the time, but you wear them just enough to lose track of exactly where you had them on last."

So the thought still made me cringe.  Why would I intentionally poke myself in the eye every day?  "No, thank you."  He didn't say anything else about it.

So I watched him, cleaning his contacts every night, and putting them in each morning.  Buying supplies to keep them clean, and packing those supplies when he traveled.

A few months later, when he was no longer asking me about it, I decided to try.  I made the appointment to get fitted for contacts.

SQUINTING.  This doctor explained how my vision worked, and how I had learned to compensate for the astigmatism over time, by squinting.  I didn't even know I was doing it.  But I squint most of the time.  30 years of trying to eliminate that second outline, that "double-image" vision, and I squinted now out of habit.

WEIGHTED CONTACTS.  Up until a few years ago, soft contacts were not available to those with an astigmatism.  Your eye is shaped differently an the contact must sit a specific direction on the eyeball.  Now, however, they have Toric Cotact Lenses, or "weighted contacts," where gravity keeps the contact in the correct positon.  Troy Bedinghaus, O.D. explains how the toric lenses work.

FINGER IN YOUR EYE.  After my doctor figured out my prescription, he got a sample pair for me and put them in for me.  For someone who doesn't like the idea of putting her OWN fingers in her eyes, to have someone ELSE put their finger in my eye was torturous!  Blinking, squinting, holding my own eyelids open with my fingers, and looking to the far upper corner of the room...whew!  He finally got them in.

Then I had to be able to do it mySELF, before I could leave the office.  He had me sit in a quiet room with a table mirror.  The assistant explained how it was done and her encouragement was simply, "you get used to it over time."  Which doesn't help a whole lot the FIRST few weeks and months, right?  I fiddled with them for about 12 minutes each.  I finally got them in.

SOMETIMES YOUTUBE LIES.  I watched a Youtube video of someone putting in her own contacts.  No problem, she did it in about 3 seconds.  I was taking an average of 10 minutes per contact!  Clearly this woman was manipulating the digital video clip.

I practiced for a week, then went back in to the doctor.  The idea is to report difficulties, and then order a year supply if you want to go with the ones you've had for the week.

MONTHS LATER.  Six months later, I am happy to report that I like the contacts, a lot.  There are still times it is more difficult to get them in (usually when I am in more of a hurry than usual), but overall I can do it in just a couple of minutes instead of my original twenty.

If you are considering trying contacts as an alternative to glasses, I would say, "Go for it!"  You have enough to worry about and things to keep track of.  Why add glasses to the list of items you carry around?

Choosing a Cruise: 10 Things to Consider

The cruising industry has taken a beating since the Costa Concordia accident in January. Carnival cruises reported a dip in reservations made, as unsettling photos of the mammoth vessel -- capsized -- splattered websites all over the Internet and the newspapers.

The fact remains, however, that cruising is a very safe, exciting, all-inclusive vacation for friends and family of all ages. Anne Campbell reiterates the safety of massive cruise ships. "It is harder to crash a cruise ship than it is a car or airplane."

Our family took a Carnival Cruise, December of 2011, during the week following Christmas. We had a fabulous time! We have one pre-teen and two teenagers, and we traveled for 7 days to Mexico, Honduras, and Belize.

Cruises have a wide variety of offerings, to meet the needs of a wide range of family members: ages newborn to 110. It of course depends on what you are looking for in a vacation. But often the activities and benefits stand up well in comparisons with any other type of vacation. Here are a few important points to consider in choosing and organizing your cruise:

1. TYPE OF VACATION. Is it a family reunion? Would you like to lay on the beach and relax? Or do you prefer to go-go-go every minute? Cruises can be wonderful for any of the previously mentioned types of vacations.

Cruises provide a good location for family reunions, mostly because of their all-inclusiveness. A big highlight for me was: Lots of Really Good Food. This may be a highlight mostly for moms. I didn't have to cook for 7 days! All meals are included in the price of the cruise, and there is food available any time of day.

Depending on your timing needs, you can eat at one of the multiple buffets, the formal sit-down-and-take-your-order restaurant, or the sushi bar. Of course, don't forget the 24-hour ice cream and pizza. Kids are all about ice cream and pizza.

2. KID-FRIENDLY ACTIVITIES. Many cruise ships have Age-Appropriate Activities. Carnival cruises have daytime and nighttime activities for kids of all ages! Younger kids could do crafts and play games with others in their age bracket.

Our kids went to the teen scavenger hunts(300) and mini-golf, and there was always the pool tables and air hockey to pass time in between activities. There is a break available for parents with small children, if they want to leave their children with the camp specialists as they disembark for the day, or participate in some other form of ship entertainment after dinner. Ship staff avail themselves for private babysitting, too.

I saw lots of little kids on our Carnival Cruise, and I hear that Disney is also, as you can imagine, geared totally towards children. You have a mix of available activities during most of the daytime, and into the evening hours for the older ones, too.

Onboard Entertainment. Each night there is entertainment onboard in different locations on the ship. Ours included song-and-dance shows, comedians, gymnasts and jugglers. There was a magician one night, who also performed for the kids at various times throughout the week.

3. LENGTH OF CRUISE. This is often dictated by the school calendar. (When the kids were all still in elementary school and even Middle School, we didn't worry quite so much about the calendar. As soon as High School rolled around, however, the message the school administration sent was ominous: miss a day of school and you'll be scarred for life, not to mention never get into a decent college or get a job or be able to support yourself for the rest of your life. Wow--was one or two extra vacation days really worth THAT? Probably not.)

Cruises can be as short as 2 nights, and as long as 21 days. Much of the traveling actually occurs at night, when it's dark and while you are sleeping. But there are "days at sea" where you stay on the ship the whole day.

4. DAYS "AT SEA."  This may seem like a silly consideration, but it kind of goes back to the previous question, what type of vacation are you aiming for. For us, it was all about the places we were visiting. We wanted to explore and experience the nature, wildlife, outdoor activities and shopping the ports of call had to offer. The ship was very nice, but it was not the reason we went. If that is your thinking, you would probably try to get a cruise that has fewer "Days at Sea." Maybe two days at sea, max.

Often the ship will sail all day the first day and night, so you have the first day "At Sea." That is fine because everybody is fresh and excited to start their vacation. After that first long stretch, the ship anchors during the day and sails all night to get to the next stop, so when you wake up you can disembark. There are some cruises, however, that have 3 and even 4 days "At Sea." Recognizing that the ship itself can be entertaining, this may or may not be good for the kind of vacation you want.

5. EMBARKATION PORTS. You might be within driving distance of a major port, like Port Canavaral in Florida, or Houston, Texas. Ships also leave from Los Angeles, CA and San Diego. VacationsToGo gives a list of ports in the United states at http://www.vacationstogo.com/cruise_port/United_States_(Continental).cfm Princess Cruises gives a comprehensive list of Ports of Europe at http://www.princess.com/learn/ports/europe/index.html

Your travel to the embarkation ports may include flying or taking a train, to even get to the starting point. This could eat up your vacation budget before you even start! Just another point to consider.

6. WHERE TO GO? Most cruise lines offer a broad range of destinations. It depends on the previous question, "What type of vacation are you trying to have? We live in the Boston area, and my main goal last Christmas was to be warm. I was not interested in Alaska or even Europe in December, so I focused my research on cruise destinations in the Caribbean.

At some point we would love to see Alaska. As thin-blooded as I am, that trip will not take place any month besides July or August. It will involve a whole different set of research criteria, as we someday make plans to travel north. This trip, however, was all about being warm.

7. FLEXIBLE DATES...OR NOT.  Like with the answer to #4, if you are traveling with school-aged children, most likely you have a limited window of time in which to plan your vacation. (Elementary-aged children may have less make-up work to do than high schoolers, or less pressure from teachers to NOT miss school.)

Summers, spring breaks, and the last half of December are very popular times for cruise lines. They will be more likely to sell out all the cabins, and probably advertise fewer discounts. You can still find discounts. They just don't really need to "bribe" people to come stay with them during school breaks. If you are in a life stage where you will not be traveling with children, perhaps you want to choose a time during the off season. The weather may not be ideal, but the crowds would probably be smaller.

8. ROOM LOCATION.  The square footage in the room may be similar (usually small...people only sleep in their rooms, so most of them utilize every square inch and don't give you extra lounging room), but the view can make all the difference.

If you are claustrophobic, you will probably need some kind of natural lighting. This will increase the price of the room some. A porthole at sea level gives natural light, although not much and the view is limited to a fish-eye perspective of the ocean surface. The higher up you go on the ship, the MORE water you can see, as you travel. And when the ship is docked, you can see a little more of the port city you are visiting. The cost increases the higher you go on the ship, and inside rooms are generally less expensive.


9.  EXCURSIONS.  Referring back to question #1, you can consider what type of vacation you want. Maybe your read-on-the-sand vacation will only require you to find a suitable beach and a taxi to it. You might ask the ship's entertainment crew where they would go to enjoy a beach. Kitchen and cleaning staff work all day while vacationers are exploring the port, but the dancers, comedians and evening show people have the days to themselves. They generally don't hang out on the same crowded beaches as the rest of the cruise travelers.

If your interests are varied and more adventurous, you should research ahead of time. If the days get away from you and you wait until you board the ship to think about excursions, you'll be locked in to their choices for excursions. This is fine, overall. They may sell out, though, so you have to make some quick decisions once you're on board, if you're considering the more popular excursions.

We planned our excursions long before we actually went on the cruise, but you don't have to plan that far ahead. The ship offers many of the same excursions we found online. For us, half the fun was planning our outings. We would take an interest poll at dinnertime: "Who wants to go snorkeling? ATVing? Number your top choices 1 to 3, and we'll try to plan at least one #1 activity for each person in the family."

We did book a snorkel trip for the day we spent in Belize. We took a shuttle to a small airport and boarded a little plane to a tiny island. Once there, we sped in a motorboat to "Shark & Ray Alley." This is where fishermen used to bring their fish, clean them, and dump the leftovers into the water. The sharks and rays got used to being fed regularly, and the population of those sea creatures grew.  Swimming with these animals was a definite highlight for our kids.

We probably saved some money by booking directly with the organizations, but not really that much.

10.  AVAILABLE DISCOUNTS.  If you are a AAA member, you may get some discounts here and there. Your bank may offer some travel discounts if you use their credit card to pay for the vacation. You can get on the email list of VacationsToGo.com, who send out cruise discounts periodically. Some cruise lines also offer discounts to those who have cruised with them before.

Our cruise was one of our family's favorite vacations together. The kids were great ages for it: they were allowed the freedom they craved as teens, on an enclosed vessel where they couldn't go too far. Meals were varied and top-notch, and the selection was fabulous for every meal.

Babies and toddlers of course won't appreciate all the amenities, but cruises are still a nice family reunion idea since the moms don't have to cook or clean up after everybody.

Service Given by Cadets

(This article was published in the Church News of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, May 13, 2012.  The article was titled "Thank you.")

AYKAWAHAMA, JAPAN

Seven cadets from the US Air Force Academy in Colorado Springs, Colo. -- including five Latter-day Saint returned missionaries -- took their spring break and flew to Japan to give volunteer service in the remote town of Ayukawahama, which was devastated by the March 11, 2011, earthquake and tsunami.

This area received some of the worst damage as a result of the biggest natural disaster to hit Japan in a thousand years.

While in Japan the cadets dug and unclogged 13 tons of sludge and debris from 392 meters of water drain along the Kyubun coast in Ayukawahama -- providing running water and a drainage system for the homes in the city.

The group also moved desks from Yugawa Elementary School -- which was damaged in the disaster and officially closed in March 2012.  In addition, they helped build a memorial room to remember Yugawa Elementary at the new Ohara Elementary, the school built to replace the damaged school.

Before the trip, the cadets -- including Bill Merkel of Washington, D.C., Jack Waller of Mission Viejo, Calif., Ethan Salgado of Simi Valley, Calif., Nathaniel Youd of Cari, N.C., Bradford Hackert of Thomaston, Conn., Joseph Suwabe of Riverdale, N.Y., and Chris Raskey, Orlando, Fla. -- organized a service club, "Cadets in Action Overseas."

They had tried since the fall of last year to get official government sponsorship for the trip.  but when the funds were not available, each cadet paid his own air fare to Japan, where they traveled 200 miles north to the Oshika Peninsula and joined a Mormon Helping Hands project organized by the Church.  During their time in Japan, the dadets slept on the floor in a temporary community center without heat of hot water.

Each, however, said the service was worth the effort.

Cadet Waller spoke to a woman in Japan at a convenience store.  "When she learned that we were volunteering to help clean up in the aftermath of the tsuname, she had a look in her eyes and in her body language that expressed 'thank you,' and then she said, "Arigato gozaimasu."  That was all the Japanese that I understood at that point in time, bugt ust the way she said it, and the spirit that was about her, really told me that the service we were giving really meant something to her."

--Conan Grames, Asia North Area director of public affairs

Must-See Boston Area: Minuteman Nat'l Park

Since we came to live in the Boston area a few years ago, our family has been able to take advantage of some wonderful opportunities to discover and learn about the history of our nation.

Occasionally on this blog I will highlight some touristy spots.  The Minute Man National Historic Park is a great little visitor's center and park, and you can walk just as much or as little as you want to, down the trail.  It is shaded much of the time, and pretty flat.  Kids could walk or bike the trail, no problem.  There are a couple of parking lots to choose from, and you can start your walk anywhere along the trail.

If you start at the Visitor's Center in Lincoln, it gives an overview of the political climate of the time period, and there is a short video presentation every 20 minutes or so, where you relive some of the details leading up to Paul Revere's Ride.

As you walk or bike the trail, you can stop along the way to see the fields where battles were fought.  During the summer months, there are guides in the buildings in period dress, telling their stories of life during the conflicts.  They will also answer your questions, and one showed us how to load and shoot a rifle.

This is a beautiful walk, and spring/summer in New England boasts many colorful wildflowers.

Of course there are also insects--don't forget the bug spray for mosquitoes!  My kids loved these dragonflies.

They didn't love the bees so much...their nest was in the bricks of the fireplace of this house along the way.

Whether you have the whole afternoon, or just an hour--this National Historic Park is well worth your time.  True to the tradition of our National Parks, it is clean, informative, and very well-preserved.  The fact that it's nestled in beautiful New England is additional icing on the cake!

10 Ways to be a Good Friend

I've been thinking about my Good Friends lately.  (Capitalized because they are a distinct category.  It's important.)

Once I read a good quote that said, "We don't have to change friends, if we understand that friends change."

This has applied very much in my own life.  Only I haven't realized it until just recently.

People's needs change.  You start out thinking that "friends" are anyone in the same playroom with you.  Little kids are so good at that: just playing with anyone who is there (ok, who also has good toys).  Then you start school.

You need a certain level of friendship in Elementary School, then the level changes some in Middle School.  That level evolves and turns a little more each year.  By the time you are in High School, you may need something different from your friends.  People might be ready to give the "next" level of friendship, or they might not.  If your needs are not being met, you may change friends to fill some different needs.

Then you go to college and you don't see the same friends.  You meet people from different backgrounds and realize that the world is bigger than you thought.  But that's for another post.

I've been thinking about the people I consider friends.  I've been contemplating exactly why I am comfortable around them, and the characteristics that make me feel "safe" when I am with them.  Here is a partial list of those characteristics I would like to emulate.

How to Be a Good Friend: (not in any particular order)

1)  Listen.  Focus on the other person when they are with you.

2)  Smile.  Ok, I don't mean Big-Smile-All-The-Time.  And I know some people rarely smile "big."  Just an acknowledgement that the other person knows you are happy they are around.

3)  Show concern for the other person's problem.  Don't try to solve the problem-- it's better if you just let them talk. (see #1)

4)  Remember a birthday.  Facebook makes this extremely easy now.  The "old-fashioned" ways are still okay, too: send a card, leave a phone message, drop off a balloon or a plate of carrot sticks (PC now, of course...heaven forbid we eat sugar)!  Ha, I'm kidding.  Your friend probably has a favorite sweet or treat you could leave on the doorstep.

5)  Keep confidences.  Even if it wasn't prefaced with the specific words, "Don't tell anyone, okay?"  Most personal conversations are just that: conversations for 2 people.

6)  Give your friend the benefit of the doubt.  That means you ASSUME the BEST in them.  If there is a misunderstanding or terse words, let it go.  We all have frustrating moments where we wish we had said or done something differently.  "People do the best they can with what they have at that moment."

7)  Acknowledge the important events.  (Example: see #4)  If something grand is happening in their life, at least let them know you are thinking about them.  Weddings, baptisms, blessings, births, deaths--all these things affect and change lives profoundly.  Maybe you aren't in the forefront since you are not their immediate family.  But showing your support in a small way can help buoy your friend up.

8)  Find ways to make their burdens lighter.  Ok, this may sound a little deep, but sometimes friends are allowed to be deep.  With an important event, there might be some details you can help with, or at least be a sounding board for their ideas.  If your friend is "stressed out," just knowing you're willing to help can be a big help.

9)  Build trust.  This takes time.  You want them to be comfortable around you.  Be patient as they talk, so they don't feel rushed or like they have to explain why they are feeling the way they do.  Be positive and tolerant, even if you don't agree with their opinion.

10)  Don't expect anything from your friend.  Truly.  Not a thing.  Repeat this mantra: "People do the best they can with what they have at that moment."  Whether their "best" is "good enough" is not for us to judge.

That's probably a subject for another post, too.

In What Ways Can I Express My Faithfulness?

I can show my faith in Jesus Christ through my actions.  Every day, I make decisions on how to spend my time.  We are all given the same 24 hours in a day.  I can serve my family.  I can serve my sisters in the gospel.  I can serve my husband.  I can serve my neighbors.

I can show my faith in Jesus Christ with words.  I can talk about my belief in our Savior, and in the plan of Salvation.  I can support the prophet and align my life with the words of the prophets, both ancient and modern-day.  General Conference talks give us counsel from our prophets today.  Scriptures give us counsel from the prophets of ancient times.

I can do all the "Sunday School answer" things, not because in and of themselves they will bring me closer to our Savior, but by consistently practicing those things, I can position myself in a better place to receive the promptings of the Holy Ghost.

Pray.  I can pray in the morning and at night.  This is the ideal, but I don't do it.  I pray with the family at mealtimes (breakfast and dinner), and we have family prayer in the evening.  I pray more in my mind throughout the day...an ongoing conversation, of thanks or concern as I am driving or on my way to other responsibilities.  I could improve in this area.

Fast.  This Sunday we plan to fast.  This should be thought out before the fact, so that our prayers can be more pointed and powerful during the fast.  We should think about Mary Lou this time.  We can fast and pray for her comfort and strength as she fights the cancer that has her bedridden at this time.

Read Scriptures.  I read scriptures with the family on a nightly basis, although lately it has been more like once a week.  We can get back into that habit.  Talking about the scriptures as we read them, and discussing our own understanding of the verses and events should help us enhance our individual understanding and interpretation of them.

Attend Sunday meetings.  Our regular attendance at church meetings on Sunday serves multiple purposes.  First and foremost, we can partake of the Sacrament.  This is a renewal of our commitment to the Lord, that we are willing to take upon us His name and live as a disciple of Christ.  That we will always remember Him, and try to be like Him.  The other reason to go to church each week is to feel the spirit of God.  To be buoyed up by other members who can lift us, or who might be in need of lifting.  We go to our meetings to "fill our buckets" to help us accomplish the week's responsibilities, and also to help fill the buckets of others in attendance.

Hold regular Family Home Evenings.  Another piece of counsel from our prophet.  This time together can help strengthen our family members.  They can learn gospel principles, strengthen testimonies, and also build relationships with other family members.  It gives us a chance to interact in a safe setting (our home) and learn together.

Measuring a Genuine Christian

How are "obedience" and "love" accurate gauges for measuring a genuine Christian?

A Christian is someone who follows the teachings of Christ, and tries to live as he lived.  We cannot know a person's heart, only God and Jesus know those things.  So all we can see are what's shown on the outside.

"Love" seems to be the easy one to notice and identify.  You can know that someone loves you by the way they act towards you.  Showing kindness, a comforting word, help with chores, or being a listening ear when someone is going through a rough trial.

But now that I've written that, what about people who find it difficult to "show" love?  Does it mean they don't love you if they don't do those things?

I've decided no.  People show love the best way they know how.  If they are not talkers or communicative verbally, maybe they show love by working hard for their family every day.  Maybe they keep the yard presentable or shovel snow when it's needed.  Maybe they take care of home issues when they arise, and even though they don't talk to you much, they still love you very much.

Back to the question.  When someone shows love to another, either verbally or through service, they are serving Christ.  That is what He asked us to do.  Love each other.  If someone serves other people, he is being a disciple of Christ.

Obedience to the laws and ordinances of the gospel, and to the commandments, are another way to show discipleship.  It's hard to keep all of the commandments all of the time.  Honoring your parents when you don't agree with them.  Being truthful about every flaw you have casts YOU in a bad light.  Sometimes we slip because we don't want to be uncomfortable or embarrassed.

By trying every day, people can become more like our Savior.  We can never be like him all the way, by ourselves.  But that's not the point.  We try, and each try builds new or stronger connection synapses in our brains!  That makes it easier for us to do it again next time. (Can you tell I just read an article on brain synapses and forming habits...)

Service

How does service also cleanse the soul of both the giver and the receiver?When someone serves another person, she helps them, on the surface.  She offers a piece of her own self, a piece of her time, her substance, her love.  She is willing to give up what she might otherwise have chosen, in the name of helping someone else.

When we give of ourselves, we can feel just a tiny bit how Jesus felt as he served everyone with whom he came in contact.  He gave them a little piece of his goodness, a small sample of virtue.  This builds feelings of goodwill, of self worth, and lifts the spirit of the receiver.

Somehow, it also lifts the spirits of the giver.  By serving our neighbor, we share with them the attitude of sharing and gratitude.  We allude to the thought that we think they are worth our time and our efforts.  We honor them, and in that act we also honor our Savior.

At baptism, we all take upon ourselves the name of Christ.  This means we are willing to stand up for good things, and not sit still when injustice occurs.

How is service, to or from others, blessing your life right now?
I was able to talk to the lady from the Salvation Army, about help they might need in the future.  She outlined some of their needs, and I was able to pass those along to Frank.  He told a scout about that need, and it may be able to work as an Eagle Project.

My neighbors share in the carpool responsibilities as we transport children to and from school activities every week.  This lightens my responsibility load considerably.

My visiting teachers, Becky Cyr and Mischell Shapiro, are dedicated to...me!  They check up on me, and bring me inspirational messages.  Last month they helped wrap empty boxes to be used in the Ward Christmas party.  They helped me with one of my responsibilities.  They lifted my "burden."

Their service helped me feel "light."  I think this is the strength the Savior wishes for us to have.  We grow stronger when we try to live like Jesus Christ.

Being Thankful

Being thakful.  It's Thanksgiving weekend again!  Here is part of my list of Things I Am Thankful For.

A husband who is willing,and has been willing for almost 20 years, to support our family.
Frank has a good, stable job.
A church closeby.
Good neighbors.
Transportation: 2 working vehicles.
A new, functional kitchen.
A dry garage.
Soft blankets to cuddle with and watch a movie with Frank.
Beautiful fall leaves.
High-speed Internet connection.
Good books.
Inspirational messages from General Conference.
Pumpkin pie.
Warm roll with ham and cheese.
Laughing with family.
Eating dinner with my family.
Cell phones.
Medical facilities closeby.
My own teeth and hair!
Being able to exercise.
Electricity.
Running Water.
Schools.
Good teachers.

This is just a start!  Our family is so blessed.

Thoughts on Sunday

I need to keep up on my journal, and this is the most comfortable place for that right now.

GRATEFUL for Frank.  The more I talk to people/friends/neighbors, somehow the more I am grateful for my husband.  So many stories of men who won't talk to their wives about things, who don't take care of the kids or who when they do, it's only putting them in front of a DVD and otherwise ignoring them.

Frank played with our kids when they were little and never balked about taking care of them solo--including diapers, thank you, and he did a good job of it.  (Neither one of us wanted Puke Duty when there was stomach flu...we kind of switched off.  Eeeewww.)

Now, he asks them for their input on trips and outings, and is willing to drive them places when there is a conflict (a conflict with ME doing it--it's still my job.  His job pays our mortgage, and everything else).  He knows about their activities and goes to Back to School Night.

The girls "fight" over who gets to sit by Dad in Sacrament Meeting.  The kids really like to be with him.  He makes a great weekend breakfast, and lets Kara have sleepovers.  (I'd say no to every sleepover, don't know why.  But Frank thinks they're no big deal, and they probably aren't a big deal.  We have them periodically.)

I need to be more meaningful in my prayers.  I am in such a distracted state most of the time--somebody is always right in my face with a question or needing to find something.  I really pray more in my mind while I'm in the car or getting ready in the morning.  It's not a good habit that I've fallen into.

I never thought parenting would be the way it is.  And we have good kids!  ha.  It's everywhere, all the time, always more to do, as a parent!  And reminding the kids to do things (chores, practice piano, etc.) is not fun.  But I need to be the parent.  There needs to be boundaries.  Even the Lord sets boundaries for us, and even He chastises us when needed.  He does it to us because he knows we'll be better people for it.  I need to look at the big picture and recognize that my kids will be better people if they are taught responsibility and accountability, and to love the Lord.

Now I'm rambling.  I love my kids.  They are awesome.

More later, Kari

How to Best Spend Our Time

Life is full of decisions to be made. Where to work? Where to live? Rent or own? Which school to attend? What to eat? Drink or not? Smoke? What to have for dinner? Some decisions are important. Some are not, but they still take up our time.

The trick is to spend an appropriate amount of time pondering the more weighty issues. The clock will tick on, whether you are using time wisely or not.

These days we think about work. Look for different opportunities? Stay with what we have until one or more child(ren) graduate(s)?

It's quite cold here in January. And this year, there is lots of snow. It is beautiful and all, but it's a lot of shoveling and worrying about how it can harm the house, the cars, make ice dams on the roof which leads to leaks. This has been difficult for me! I also just don't like being cold. I don't aspire to be a true New Englander. I'm just visiting. So, do we visit for a few more years? Or try to make a move soon?

I'm trying to be in the right frame of mind, more often. Read scriptures, advice from church leaders, listen for promptings or answers in quiet moments. There are not many of those, of course! But I try to make opportunities for quiet moments.

Pray for Those Who Persecute You

Hello!

I'm trying to figure out what exactly I want this blog to be...since I have not shared the website with anyone, it is really for myself. I can add photos if I want, but mostly it is my own thoughts and insights.

I've been reading about Ruby Bridges; she's the little girl in 1960 who was the first African American to attend an all-white school in Louisiana. The Supreme Court ruled that blacks should get the same educational opportunities as white people, so integration would start in September of 1960. White people protested, most of them taking their own kids out of school when little Ruby walked in. They had 4 members of the National Guard there to protect her, picking her up from her home, driving her to the school and walking her to the school doors. Angry whites lined the sidewalks, shouting obscenities and spitting on her. Absolutely amazing.

Disney made a movie of the story. I read "Through My Eyes," the story written by Ruby herself, as she saw it when she was 6.

One part of her story made me think. She said her mom taught her to pray, and she always thought that prayer would get her through anything. "Jesus said to pray for those who persecute you," she remembers her mother telling her.

People kind of lose their brains when they are in a crowd. Like all of a sudden they are not themselves, and they can say and do things they won't be held accountable for.

There was a group of mothers the press called the "cheerleaders," who would shout obscenities and threaten this little 6-year-old girl, each morning she walked by them, into their school. I couldn't even believe it. And this girl's mother told her to pray for them.

Being Thankful

Since we just finished Thanksgiving weekend, I am feeling inspired to post an entry of things for which I am thankful.

My husband
My children
A warm bed
small pets, which bring my children joy
transportation
customer service people who actually help you
electricity
an empathetic smile from someone who feels your frustration
warm bread
sweet potatoes
water
old friends
new friends
the chance to learn something new
Internet access
airplanes
frequent flyer miles
a sturdy home
a safe neighborhood

We really are so blessed! And with those blessings come responsibility, to give to those who are without. I'm not sure how our holiday turned into a day for eating too much. But it's also a chance to spend time with people we love.

His Hand is Stretched Out Still

"For all this, His anger is not turned away, but His hand is stretched out still." The lesson this week in Gospel Doctrine is about the prophet Isaiah and his teachings to the people so long ago, and what he saw of the people today (us.)

I love the imagery in the scriptures (there are many) that describe how the Lord sees us and is always there for us if we will but turn to Him. The scriptures in Isaiah 5 and 6 describe the sins of the people, how they are so focused on worldliness and are so concerned with costly apparel and idols of their own making.

"Therefore is the anger of the Lord kindled against his people...for all this his anger is not turned away, but his hand is stretched out still."

No matter what we do or don't do, no matter what time we waste on things of little or no importance, no matter how much we ignore the teachings of the prophets and insist on going about our own very important (in our own minds) business, the Lord is always there. At some point, hopefully sooner than later, we will wake up and realize that his way is the better way, and we'll decide to spend our time and energies on things of bigger import (i.e. building the kingdom of Zion, which boils down to serving our brothers and sisters and lifting the burdens of others).

Whenever that time is, the Lord will be right there. Not miles away, but right there.

I still imagine the visual given in a lesson one Sunday, years ago. The teacher held up both hands, palms facing each other. The hands represented each of us as individuals (left hand) and the Lord (right hand), conversing and walking together. The left hand (we) then decide to turn away and follow our own path, leaving the Lord behind (left palm turns away, left arm and hand go far left, leaving right hand in the center).

We decide, after a time, that we need the Lord after all, but wonder how far, exactly, we have strayed, and how can we possibly get back to where we were. (Left palm turns back slightly, towards the right hand.)

With that small motion from the left hand (us), the right hand (the Lord) immediately moves right next to the left hand again. Heavenly Father is right there. He is there, arms outstretched, at all times, ready to support us.

All we have to do is be willing to try.

On Time

How do I make time for the important things? People love to say "I don't have time" or "I'm too busy." Like "being busy" means they are important, or that their life has meaning.

I have noticed that I can fill my time with unimportant things, no problem. I can read, surf the Internet, shuffle through papers. I can clean, spend time looking for things, and work on making dinner. I can drive, drive, drive. Drive to the grocery store. Drive my kids to playdates and practices. Drive to a store.

No matter what I choose to do, time WILL go by. But how do I choose the most important things to do?

Talk to my kids. Listen to them.
When we have car time, talk to them and listen to them.

Nourish my relationship with my husband.
Utilize phone time. Go on dates.

Call Grandma occasionally.

Nourish my testimony: (how to do that?)
Be selective in my readings. Feed my spirit daily, somehow. Ensign, prayer, discussing scriptures as we read as a family. Go to the temple and feel the peace there.

Surround myself with uplifting, encouraging, positive people. Who are they?
My mom, Grandma, Michelle Berry, Jamie Larsen, Amy Tenney, Susan Green, Shawnee, Tiffany Allred, Julie Hollist, Kathie Gunn, Darsi Dowling, Erin Campbell.

I know there isn't enough time to do everything. But there is time to do the most important things. If I make a conscious effort to fit them in first.